Drowning in Dishwater

Stress comes from unmet expectations, I frequently say. I did not expect the vasectomy-reversal to fail. That has been stressful. I did not expect the IVF to be such a complex process. That has been stressful too. However, I really didn’t expect to have to buy a new dishwasher. (It’s peculiar how little inconveniences can create so much stress atop the other).

The IVF procedure is very expensive. We are fortunate enough to have a large amount covered in an insurance benefit. Yes, we have one of those rare policies that includes certain infertility treatments. However, getting an exact “sales price” from either the medical community or the insurance provider is like getting a water lily to grow in the desert.

Thus, it goes without saying we have to recalculate our budget. The elopement trip earlier in the year caused me to reach into savings. Then the expense of moving my wife’s previous residence items to our new combined house. Of course, we purchased some new items too, as we started off our new life together. Plus, when Kristina had to take a hiatus from work due to Kara’s surgery it changed our expendable income.

I am not complaining. We still live comfortably and have more than we can say grace over; however, without the certainty of the expense to make our test-tube baby (not to mention the bills for maternity care and child delivery), having our dishwasher quit on us was just not in the plans.

Again, we will be fine, but my brain sometimes can’t tell the difference between inconveniences and true threats. My reaction was less kind that I would have hoped my character would permit. What makes it worse for me is I realize I need to be the calm partner in this process because I’m not the one being filled with hormones to alter my mood. So, I don’t even have a good excuse for flying off the handle, but I’ve done it more than my estrogen-saturated wife.

I have found the reset button and rebooted my attitude. Further, while it is a little embarrassing to admit my poor behavior, I do this as an admission for sharing the truth of what we go through during these “49 steps” and also to hold myself accountable for what I do. It is through confession that I will make progression.

Oh, by the way, the new dishwasher will be delivered and installed next week. Kristina is pretty excited about it too.